Oh my God.

Oh...my...GOD.

I KNOW.

Could this BE any more tragic?

Whoa! Cool movie! Hey, I auditioned for this one!

Joey, this really happened you dumb ass!

No way.

Way. That's what Big Ugly Anchor Guy is telling us.

When did this happen?

Apparently last several months ago.

They're gonna need some help cleaning up. (Grabs a mop) Who's with me?

Could you BE any more of an anal neat freak?

How about if I withhold sex? Am I anal then?

Well, that depends. Are you withholding anal sex?

Dude...anal? Niiiice.

You guys, how can you talk about anal sex at a time like this? Especially since the only reason this happened is because of pagans, gays, abortionists, and feminists like you. God continues to lift the curtain and allow the enemies of America to give us--probably--what we deserve.

Chaa...Fuck off, Pheebs! Guys, we should find out if anyone we know was, you know, hurt.

Everyone we know is in this room.

It's no wonder we didn't hear about this. There was my wedding. And then Ross got married and divorced again. And there was Facial Tick Guy, that guy who came into Central Perk with the facial tick that we thought was so funny. And then there's the whole "Rachel's baby" thing.

Ross, it’s true. I'm pregnant.

I… I’m… I just-- I’m so happy. This is great. This is even better than when you told me last week. I mean, now, with this thing, this tragedy thing, it’s just so much more emotional and resonant.

I love you, Ross you big, ugly, monkey boy.

Dude...sex? Niiiiice.

Another child born out of wedlock. Great. This is all your fault, Rachel. Thanks a lot.

CHANDLER
 

Lets just say fuck it and have another sugar doughnut.

MONICA

Hey that's not sugar that's ANTHRAX!
 

PAUSE FOR AUDIENCE "OOOOHS"